Dorkipedia
by DeathBerryHime
Summary: A series of small nothings of four dorks in Karakura; episode 4; only normal people would think March 14 was normal in Karakura High.
1. bet games

**Dorkipedia**

 _-Karakura Dorks one!shots-_

I have 99 stories that need updating and I'm adding another one to that pile. This is a new short one!shot series I'll be starting, staring my favorite dorks of Karakura – _Kurosaki Ichigo, Ishida Uryu, Inoue Orihime, Sado Yasutora_ – and their daily lives, struggles, some AUs, some things canon, ratings will vary, themes will also vary. I'll have small updates on these on my Tumblr as well (link will be found on my profile). Some will be small, some short, some long like this first chapter.

 **Warnings:** hilarity galore, slight grammar mistakes, Tatsuki's mood…

 **Disclaimer:** **Bleach** belongs to Kubo Tite and Studio Pierrot - _again god forbid i ever owned it_

* * *

 _ **... &...**_

 **Episode 1**  
 _bet games; the valentine special, aka, the day Karakura high's students were driven insane..._

 _ **… &...**_

It had become a game, really.

Every year girls would giggle and carry boxes.

Every year boys would groom themselves and suave a pose.

Each arriving in the school yard in groups, all secretly throwing looks here and there, giggling, hollering; the sounds varied. Then a group of boys would arrive snarling and bickering and everyone would part to make way; you did _not_ want to mingle in the insanity that was Kurosaki's group. Soon they came to pass and everyone fell into the same routine moves.

Stares and giggles.

That was until someone barged through the gate and hollered.

" _Inoue-chan is carrying chocolates!"_

Mayhem followed.

The boys cried out, others in joy, others in rage, while others sobbed on the ground. The girls were more conserved. Some fainted, some blushed crimson, while there were a couple who looked pleased that Karakura's goddess was finally off market.

" _It's really hard to snag a boyfriend when she's still single."_ They'd say or moan in relief –all in quiet, hushed tones, fearing for their lives and faces if _Arisawa_ ever heard them– while throwing a look or two over their shoulders; again, _Arisawa_.

Then there was Chizuru in one side spotting a nosebleed, muttering and giggling to herself. Everyone slowly took a step away from her while sporting concerned or fearful expressions.

The rest of the day, everyone was on edge; all eyes were on the daydreaming girl taking in every move she made. During lunch she inched for the frilly pink paper bag she had carried in. Everyone took a breath. Slowly she stood up and turned around, her back facing the board; every boy sitting in the front started crying, everyone else inched closer. Her eyes glanced around and she bit her lip. She took a step; everyone seemed to freeze.

 _Who was it?_

Then she whirled around and hollered.

"Happy Valentine's day, Tatsuki-chan!"

Everyone crushed to the floor. Inoue blushed crimson. Arisawa merely slapped her forehead.

There were other's though, who narrowed their eyes thoughtfully, for they had seen the beauty glancing every now and then to the left. _Left?_ There was silence, before everyone gasped dramatically; _Kurosaki's group?!_

It was then, their first year, that the bets begun.

 _ **… &...**_

On their second year they began again.

" _100 yen on Kurosaki."_

" _200 yen on Kojima."_

" _5 yen on Asano."_

" _Wow, going bold again I see."_

" _Okaa-san lowered my allowance."_

" _Still…"_

So far leading the poll was Kurosaki with 25 something thousand yen. 50 yen behind him was Kojima. Then 100 yen away was Sado. Asano was still _on_ 100 yen. It had become a year thing, rules had been established as well; look, observe, bet. The money would go to the winners when she'd _finally_ give those damn chocolates or confessed to one of them.

So far nothing.

Second year had also been the year of the many absences, the many transferees –all of them weird, some were easy enough to ignore, others they'd avoid, while some were hot enough to mingle with. None of them stayed though, and _surprisingly_ the school was in one piece still– and the many visits in the school nurse. Fans had bristled, friendships had been ruined. More and more students had daily trips to the nurse. Some had considered stopping the bets, but were quickly shut down by others; _I've invested too much on them to back off now! They. Will. Be. Canon._

So February came and everyone was on edge again.

They kept quiet when Kurosaki's rowdy group would come through the gates, and surprisingly Inoue and Arisawa trailed along talking, laughing and smiling. All eyes were on Karakura's goddess though, and her infamous frilly pink paper bag. Students gasped and choked at the sight of it, started hitting their best friends' shoulders in glee and pointed. Others tried to act natural; they failed miserably though.

" _Ne, is it me or is everyone staring at us?"_

" _Let it go, Orihime. Haters gonna stare."_

On lunch all held their breaths again. She had her lunch –u _gh, leaks again… how does she even eat that stuff?–_ in one hand and _that bag_ on the other as she followed Arisawa out. Some were brave and eager enough to follow, the rest stayed back; no need to provoke Arisawa's rage by loitering around. When the bell rung they barged rushing in again, sputtering and cursing all over the place. The rest tried to extract information; _who the fuck did she give the chocolate to?!_

Then the door opened and everyone froze as they came in order;

Asano, empty handed _; no surprise there_.

Kojima, empty handed _; god dammit_.

Sado, empty handed _; oh my god, don't tell me she_ –

Kurosaki, empty handed _; whAT? HOW CAN IT BE?_

Then, lastly, Arisawa came sporting a glare, a scowl, a red forehead and – _those damn chocolates_.

Everyone bristled. Others tagged their hair. Then some spat curses. The group merely blinked at them.

"Why is everyone acting funny?" Inoue would say. Kurosaki would shrug, Sado would grunt, Kojima would smile knowingly and Asano would sob in silence. Then Arisawa would slap at her forehead _again_ with Ishida raising a brow at her.

 _(Meaningless to say, Kojima and Asano were replaced on the poll, Arisawa and Ishida taking their place. Ishida came third, Sado still fourth, while Kurosaki was pushed to second place when everyone started betting on Arisawa.)_

 _ **… &...**_

 _Third year would be the year._

That was what everyone was saying. All was normal. No weird transferees, no long disappearances and no sudden bursts out of class with weird and _stupid_ excuses. The bets were still on, the polls raging as every day went by. The group had become closer, almost every day they'd all head to the roof for lunch, while others had seen them spending more and more time together outside from school.

First years and second years were informed, and they joined –some reluctantly– the betting. The money they raised had easily reached millions, as many were betting all their allowances on them, while some sneaked money from their parents' wallets to bet again. By the time February came, some families struggled financially while wondering how they managed to lose money that quickly.

The group had strolled in, talking, bickering, giggling and shouting. All ignorant to the stares and glares they were getting. It was just the four of them today; Kurosaki, Sado, Ishida and Inoue. Kojima was out of town for some family business, while Asano had caught the flu, freeing everyone from his hollering for an entire week. The karate club had a tournament this week so Arisawa was out of town as well; her fans and followers that betted sobbed at the money they had just lost.

 _And that cursed bag._

It was as if it was mocking them, each and every year. Some considered ripping it to pieces; the rest just held them back because _this is the final year, there's no way she won't make a move!_

The day seemed to drag, everyone clearly on edge, shooting the four looks every now and then. How they didn't get noticed it was beyond them, really.

Then lunch came, and all held their breaths as she once again took her lunch and the bag with the chocolates and followed the three boys outside. They didn't notice how everyone sat perfectly still on their seats, eating, quietly talking and waited for the damn bell to ring to see _finally who the fuck won._ After Arisawa's defeat, Kurosaki and Ishida were head to head for first place.

When the bell finally rung, all of them froze, packed their lunches and turned dutifully their eyes to the door. There were some students from other classes and years standing in the back, all waiting for the final results of the poll.

The door slid and laughs erupted. All held their breaths.

"Inoue, seriously, you shouldn't have to." _Kurosaki._ They wanted to celebrate but experience kept them quiet.

"I wanted to Kurosaki-kun! It was no trouble at all."

"Inoue-san, you are aware I don't eat sweets but still–"

"That's why I made them with dark chocolate, Ishida-kun! I wanted you to enjoy it at the very least!" _she gave some to Ishida as well?_

"..muh." that was Sado.

"I'm very glad you liked them, Sado-kun! I have more if you want!"

"…muh."

"You'll OD again, Chad." _Kurosaki._

"…muh."

"I'm very opposed to it as well, Sado-kun." _Ishida._

"Mou, Kurosaki-kun and Ishida-kun are just jealous. Here have some more, Sado-kun!"

"Wait, Inoue-san!"

"Inoue, _no_!"

Some whimpered, some cried out in frustration.

The rest of them merely sighed.

In front of them an Ishida was trying – _and failing miserably_ – to hold back and overzealous Sado who inched closer to the outstretched bag of chocolates. Kurosaki was faring better as he held Inoue back and away from Sado, both cursing and yelling at Ishida to do a better job and to Inoue to _not give him any more chocolates because last time he had been in a sugar comma for a week._ Of course, she didn't listen and merely chastised him and tried to give more chocolates to Sado.

 _(In the end, they had to give everyone back their money. Everyone cried, everyone cursed, and local group therapy sessions and therapists gained more customers of high school age, alarming both parents and region. The news raged for months before it settled down eventually. And Karakura's high-schoolers gained a very important lesson._

 _Bets and Valentine's day were never a good mix.)_

 ** _… &..._**


	2. reunion

**Dorkipedia**

 _-Karakura Dorks one!shots-_

This is short and rather stupid. For anyone that doesn't mind the insanity and OOC-ness you can proceed and do consider yourselves warned. I wanted this to be kind of emotional but it went to Hell at some point.

 **Warnings:** OOC-ness, Orihime craziness, Ichigo's potty mouth, grammar mistake, insanity galore, _**OOC-ness**_ …

 **Disclaimer:** Kubo Tite is the perfection this world deserves and the creator of **Bleach**. Studio Pierrot tried to imitate, but failed in the process…

* * *

 _… **& …**_

 **Episode 2  
** _Reunion; aka, Karakura team's meeting during the Blood War goes a bit differently than planned._

 _… **& …**_

Veins erupted on his forehead.

" _Oooooooi_ , Ishida!"

His mouth pulled to a sneer.

"…muh."

His eyes begun to twitch.

"Ishida-k _uuuuun_!"

Ishida Uryu stared at the only three people he didn't wish to see. So he promptly turned around.

"What the fuck was that supposed to mean? You ignoring us now?"

"…"

"Oi, you four-eyed sewing freak, I'm talking to you!"

A vein erupted on Uryu's forehead, but he kept from chewing the substitute's head off. He turned to give him a glare though.

"Kurosaki-kun that was a mean thing to say… Look, you made him angry!"

"What? He is. Haven't you seen him how he gets whenever he passes outside a fabric store? Then he does that freaky thing with his eyes… _Ugh_ , so weird."

"What thing, Kurosaki-kun?"

"…"

"Eh, you know that thing you do whenever you want gummy bear toppings with your ramen and Tatsuki _always_ gives in."

Inoue-san gasped, "You mean the puppy eyes?" sharply she turned her wide eyes to the Quincy prince, "Ishida-kun knows the puppy eyes? _So cool…_ "

"No, not cool." Kurosaki said with a scowl, "Weird, unnatural, freaky, bizarre, creepy, _unmanly_ ; yes. Cool, never." He added then with a smirk.

"Ichigo." All eyes were on Sado-kun, "I've seen you."

Kurosaki blanched, "Oi, Chad. What?"

"You've done it as well."

"…no, I haven't Chad. I'd remember if I did. My reputation would've been blown to smithereens."

Sado-kun grunted, "Last year. On your birthday."

"…"

"It was Bad Shield 2 premiere."

"Ah! I remember too! It was when Asano-kun went to the hospital and Kojima-kun broke his phone!" Inoue-san giggled, "Kurosaki-kun's puppy eyes are more effective than mine!" she paused and then blinked and then stars and rainbows exploded around her, "Kurosaki-kun's puppy eyes are more effective. Kurosaki-kun has to teach me how!" If possible, Kurosaki's skin paled more, "Teach me, Kurosaki-sensei!"

Sharply he turned to Uryu, "Shoot me."

In turn, Uryu smirked, "Why would I do such a thing?"

" _Now."_

Uryu's smirk grew, "I'd never hurt, Kurosaki- _sensei_ , _Kurosaki-sensei_."

" _Bastard."_

There was a gasp, "Kurosaki-kun doesn't want to teach me?" Tears gathered to her eyes and all of them flinched, "How am I going to shoo away the aliens, battle the little blue men and convince Tatsuki-chan for bean paste on my ramen now?"

"N-Now, now, Inoue." He was a little green, but Uryu couldn't really blame him; _Inoue-san and her concoctions strike again…_ "It's not that I don't want to, more like… uhm…" Uryu barely managed to keep his snort from coming out; _Inoue-san's teary eyes are super effective as always I see._ "More like, uhm…" He glanced around for help; Sado-kun was frowning at the Shinigami while he placed a soothing hand on the healer's head, and he –well… It was a very funny sight, it was pretty much impossible to keep his chuckles to himself.

Kurosaki saw though and a grand, dark and _slightly disturbingly twisted smirk_ appeared, "I think Ishida's is more effective than mine, Inoue. Surely he'll be more than happy to teach you."

Uryu stopped chuckling.

Sado-kun nodded approvingly.

Kurosaki kept smirking like a madman.

Meanwhile, Inoue-san turned sharply at him, "Really?!"

" _Yeah_." Kurosaki said, "Just look at him, _so_ _ecstatic_ he has finally someone to teach his secrets to."

Inoue-san was in front of him in a blink, starry-eyed, rainbows all around her and an expression of seer amazement. Promptly he turned and glared at the Shinigami.

" _Burn in Hell, Kurosaki."_

" _I'll drag you along, Ishida."_

"If that's the case then, Ishida-kun –no! _Ishida-sensei,_ please teach us your secret ways to the art of the puppy eyes!"

"..muh."

"Yeah, _sensei_ , we'll be in your _care_ from now on."

Sharply, Ishida Uryu turned to Jugram Haschwalth –who all this time was standing in a corner watching the four interact while trying to keep himself from face-palming on the _raw_ insanity that went through that group; vaguely he wondered if His Majesty knew about it, and if yes, why on Earth would he want those four _still alive and not just throttle them in their sleep._ And _no_ , he didn't care they were the _Quincy Prince_ , one of the five _War Potentials_ , a Fullbringer with enough power to blow apart _half Wahrwelt with a single punch_ , and a _girl_ that if she so ever wanted could _reject all of their existence from time and space itself;_ all four were so infuriatingly stupid he would gladly do it without any expecting acknowledgements _–_ and said,

"My plan consists on blowing apart Wahrwelt by using those spirit chips that are spread all around us. I was never on your side. I came merely for that purpose. You are free to cut me down."

Dramatic gasping was heard all around.

"What the hell? Are you an idiot, Ishida? Have some tact!"

"That's right, Ishida-kun! If you wanted to blow it up, why didn't you tell us?"

"…muh!"

"We could have helped you, you dumbass!"

"Yeah! You know, four people are better than one on blowing buildings apart, Ishida-kun! Or, you could just ask Sado-kun to blow it up for you!"

"…muh?"

"That's because Sado-kun is like Saitama-sensei! One punch and everything is dust. _Just so cool…_ "

"Oi, Inoue. Off topic here…"

"But Sado-kun is like Saitama-sensei, Kurosaki-kun!"

"…muh."

"Oi, I know that. Chad is awesome. But Ishida is an idiot. He practically told his plan to the enemy." Then he snorted, "And he goes on and on about me being an idiot."

"That is because you _are_ one, Kurosaki."

" _Come and say that again to my face, Ishida."_

"…muh."

"Please do not compare me to him, Sado-kun."

"… _muh_."

Uryu flushed crimson, "That was only _once_! He has done it more times than all of us are comfortable!"

Kurosaki snickered, "So you are just following my footsteps? _Staaaalker…"_

" _Stalker?!_ I would hardly deem me being stealthier than you, a stalker!"

" _Bastard."_

"Now, you two. You both can be stalkers, no need to fight!"

" _Inoue!_ I'm not–!"

" _Inoue-san!_ You are mistaken–!"

"… _muh_."

" _CHAD!"/"SADO-KUN!"_

"Why are you two so defensive? It's not like I didn't notice how you all offered to walk me home, or watch my every move, or the study groups, or how we all ate lunch together, or how you just happened to pass by my workplace whenever I was on the afternoon shift after Hueco Mundo." Both boys went crimson. Blinking, she innocently continued, "Besides it's not like we didn't do the same to Kurosaki-kun after he lost his powers. We even took turns patrolling around his house, workplace, school, park, supermarket, and followed him wherever he went. _Not_ _to mention_ all those dinners we had with his family whenever Kurosaki-san, Yuzu-chan, and Karin-chan caught us." Then she gasped dramatically, "That means we are all stalkers! _So cool!_ "

"Uhm, I don't think that makes us cool, Inoue-san."

"It doesn't?"

"It's not exactly socially acceptable, Inoue."

"Hn. Look at you keeping up with big words. Are you reading dictionaries lately, Kurosaki?"

" _That's it! I'm gonna kill you!"_

"Ah! Kurosaki-kun!"

" _Come at me, Kurosaki!"_

"Don't, Ishida-kun!"

"…muh."

"Ah, Sado-kun! Please, help me stop them!"

" _Take that, Quincy!"_

" _My cape! That's it you scum!_ _ **Licht Regen!**_ _"_

" _ISHIDA, YOU BASTARD! ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO KILL ME?!"_

" _YES."_

" _OVER A FUCKING CAPE?!"_

" _YES!"_

" _YOU BAST–_ _ **ARG**_ _!"_

"Ishida-k _uuuuun!_ Don't kill Kurosaki-k _uuuuuun_! Kill him after we win the war!"

"Inoue, that was COLD!"

"Well, it was quite the nice cape, Kurosaki-kun."

"STILL!"

In between the dust, debris, arrows, swords, fairies, curses, yells and squeals, Sado Yasutora turned to Jugram, "…muh."

He grounded his molars, squinted his eyes and after glancing on the giant Fullbringer and glaring at the other three that were causing a ruckus with their antics, he turned and walked away.

Jugram Haschwalth was too pretty for this shit.

 _ **… &… **_


	3. together

**Dorkipedia**

 _-Karakura Dorks one!shots-_

This is ANGST. I repeat; _this_. _is_. _**ANGST**_. I've been having too many feels and too much thoughts about the final Boss Fight and let me tell you that Karakura Squad VS Yhwach is what I want. Every Headcanon I have so far for that fight will slay me, if any of this will come true.

Which I hope it won't, because I'm a masochist that wants to break every character there is, while Kubo is a genius that has a plan and a purpose.

 _*sobs* I just want my babies happy for once…_

 **Warnings:** angst, blood, gore, _Character Death_ , _ANGST_ …. ( _implied_ ) _**Character death**_ …. _**Angst**_ ….

 **Disclaimer:** Kubo Tite is the perfection this world deserves and the creator of **Bleach**. Studio Pierrot deserves nothing but a punch in the face.

* * *

… _ **& …**_

 **Episode 3**

 _Together; because not all heroes have happy endings_

… _ **& …**_

It was as if reliving a nightmare.

"Sado-kun!"

She raised her hand and the shield formed cradling the giant in its warmth. From behind her two shadows leapt forward. Kurosaki-kun swung his swords; Ishida-kun released a volley of arrows.

Nothing worked.

"Damn it!" It was rare to see him curse, but Ishida-kun spat it out as he leapt once again to the air.

Kurosaki-kun crashed next to her, but before she could even yell his name, he bounced back up. Spitting out blood and curses he followed after Ishida-kun.

Once more they swung.

Again nothing worked.

The Quincy King was unscathed.

"Are you two done?" he boomed and there was a flash, reiatsu rained over them. Orihime gasped, her shield almost giving in. Once more, Kurosaki-kun and Ishida-kun crashed down and another attack loomed forward. In the last second, Santen Kesshun formed beneath the two and with a tag of her arm she brought them away from the crash, rocks and debris flying.

"Shit." Kurosaki-kun said, blood marring his face and dust over his skin. Besides him, Ishida-kun spat out again and whipped the blood from his forehead, hands and fingers cut up and bruised.

There was again a flash as something big rushed towards them. The two prepared to deflect but her shield went up in a blink, taking in the grunt of the hit. Orihime blinked and then narrowed her eyes; the shield stood, golden, glowing and unmarred. A hand fell on her shoulder and looked to see Sado-kun standing up again. Nodding again, Soten Kisshun streamed to the Shinigami and Quincy crouching ahead; cuts, bones, and bruises were healed in a blink.

As one they stood again, side by side.

The Quincy King raised a brow, his cape flowing behind him.

There was a moment of silence. Mere seconds of calm.

Then everything sprang to life.

Kurosaki-kun's sunpo brought him in the front, and with might he brought Zangetsu down. Ishida-kun materialized behind him, bow drawn back and lips in a sneer, he released. Sado-kun charged from above, hands clamped together and bright reiatsu springing forth as he descended. Orihime flexed her hands and fingers, Santen Kesshun wrapping on the King's feet and shooting upwards holding him in place.

Clenching their jaws, the four prepared for impact.

The blast was massive. They were blown away, crumbling back to the dirt. Orihime heard Kurosaki-kun's groan and Sado-kun's grunt before the dust settled to their eyes. What greeted her had her freezing and a lump growing to her throat.

"One down." The Quincy King whispered, as Ishida-kun gasped and tried to pull himself free. The blade deep in his chest and blood was everywhere, "Three to go."

"ISHIDA!" Kurosaki-kun flew forward, blades drawn and eyes wild. Yhwach grinned and threw the young Quincy to him. Kurosaki-kun cursed again as he paused and caught Ishida-kun, blood flowing and bones breaking as they both tumbled back.

She moved to them as Sado-kun rose to cover her back. Her shield formed over the two as soon as Sado-kun brought his changed arm forward.

"Sado-kun!" she screamed again and whipped her arm, pleading Ayame to move until her fallen friend was beneath the healing shield as well. Panic raced to her veins as Sado-kun's reiatsu vanished. Reiatsu rained over them as something flashed.

She heard Kurosaki-kun and Ishida-kun screaming her name.

The pain came later.

Her trembling hand moving to her elbow clutching the now mutilated appendage. Wide eyes rose to the Quincy King mere feet away.

"Then we take the healer." His sword came up with lightening speed. Her shield rose but he cut it through like paper, _cut her down_ like paper. Blood fell when she fell, "Can't have healing anyone else now."

There was a roar of rage as her Shoten Kisshun smashed to pieces and Kurosaki-kun flashed forward. Their swords clashed and something blue flew to Yhwach. An arrow lodged to his shoulder, but it was feint and crumbling, barely doing any damage. The Quincy King pushed Kurosaki-kun back and flexed his arm, the arrow disappearing and reiatsu rained over them.

He fell to his knees, and all of them struggled for a wisp of breath. Orihime felt her wounds pulsing and her lungs burning. From afar, Sado-kun's reiatsu slowly disappeared and Kurosaki-kun struggled to move. Ishida-kun was kneeling and glaring the Quincy King.

"It won't work." Yhwach's voice boomed again and everything became unbearable, "Nothing will ever work. I can see all that is to be. All that is to succeed, and all that is to fail." His cape fluttered with the wind, giving him an airy look.

"You never know until you try." Ishida-kun hissed at him, spitting blood and clutching his bleeding chest. Slowly, reiatsu started gathering around him.

Orihime bit her lip and with a last breath she let her reiatsu be consumed, flowing towards the Quincy. Kurosaki-kun had done the same, stabbing Zangetsu on the ground as he poured his reiatsu out with a cry. She felt a flare of power and she quickly noted Sado-kun's reiatsu slowly gathering around Ishida-kun. She gave a startled sob as her body throbbed, but paid no mind and poured her own energy out as much as she could.

The Quincy King sighed and spared the four a look, "I told you before, Ishida Uryu. Nothing will ever work."

He brought his sword down.

Ishida-kun channeled their reiatsu to the chips and released.

The blast that followed?

She didn't even feel it.

… _ **& …**_

" _We need a medic over here!"_

" _Quickly, they're crashing!"_

" _Where is the Fourth?!"_

" _I said we need the damn medics!"_

" _TAICHO, THEY'RE CRASHING!"_

" _I need OB here stat!"_

" _Division three to the left; seven to the right. We'll take the rest."_

" _Too much blood!"_

" _We don't have time."_

" _God dammit, the invasion…"_

" _Taicho, what should we do?"_

"…"

" _Taicho, what do we–"_

"Save those you can."

… _ **& …**_


	4. white day shenanigans

**Dorkipedia**

 _-Karakura Dorks one!shots-_

Happy White Day people! I hope you guys enjoy this little chapter. Consider this as a ' _I'm sorry, please forgive my previous insolence_ ' fic for last chapter. I honestly didn't mean to push angst to ya way. This isn't a companion chapter/ficlet to chapter 1, but I'll leave it to your own judgment, as always.

So please enjoy and review!

 **Warnings:** grammar errors, hilarity, craziness, potty-mouthed students, Tatsuki, Ichigo and Karakura High's students _in general_ …

 **Disclaimer:** Kubo Tite is the sole owner and creator of **Bleach**. Studio Pierrot deserves a chair in the face for ruining perfect series with their fillers…

* * *

… _ **& …**_

 **Episode 4**

 _white day shenanigans; aka, third years have nothing else better to do than keep messing with their damn sanity._

… _ **& …**_

White day had never been that special before.

Sure boys hollered and boasted, but the girls ever the more serious and _normal_ from the lot acted natural. The day was beautiful; it wasn't raining for a change unlike the week before, the sun shone and the birds chirped happily. If you ignored the animals that were the _male part of Karakura high_ , it was a perfectly good and normal day.

But of course, nothing is ever normal in this god forsaken town.

Not to mention the god damned school.

" _Ne, ne. Did you see? Ishida is carrying a gift."_

Valentine's was over a month ago and the ever so popular student council's president had received plenty gifts and chocolates. Many girls jumped at the chance of it, giggling and blushing, fairly ignoring the withering looks and glares they received from the boys.

And speak of the devil; he came in the classroom, Kurosaki bickering with him as usual while Sado followed them quietly. He pushed his glasses up his nose gracefully as he shot a retort to Kurosaki. The girls swooned, the boys bristled.

Inoue and Arisawa barged right after, both huffing and giggling as they trotted to the boys.

"Good m _oooo_ rning~!" she yelled and grinned and all of them nodded back.

"You were late. One more minute and I'd have to report you as absent." Ishida said and pushed his glasses again. Once more the girls swooned and the boys bristled.

"Lay off, you four-eyed bastard. They are here aren't they? No need to be a prick." Kurosaki scowled while leaning on his desk. Ishida merely scowled back.

"Hehehe. It was my fault, Ishida-kun. The little blue men hid my shocks today and I couldn't find them anywhere!" Inoue explained with a sheepish expression.

"We had to go back to my place to get one of mine." Arisawa sighed, and every boy in the classroom glanced at the red head's legs.

Nosebleeds and heavy blushing followed.

Like a trained bloodhound, Arisawa turned her head over her shoulder and glared, _"Look at her legs once more, you maggots, and I'll make sure to rip your spines from your throats."_

Everyone gulped and hurriedly looked away.

"Well, if that was the case, then it is fine. I'm glad I don't have to report either of you." Ishida said again, a soft look on his eyes. Again, the girls swooned. The boys were too terrified to react.

Of course, that didn't stop them to create more rumors.

… _ **& …**_

" _Ne, did you hear? Ishida's gift is for Inoue-san."_

" _What? I thought he was giving it to Arisawa-senpai!"_

" _Are you serious? Wuah… What a player."_

" _Does that mean we'll be hosting a cat fight at lunch?"_

" _I'll raise the bets. You give away the flyers."_

" _But what about Kurosaki? Wasn't he and Arisawa like–"_

" _Are you serious? Hell, we'll have a bloodbath…"_

" _Don't be an idiot! Kurosaki has the hots for that transfer student!"_

" _Are you a bigger idiot? That transfer eloped with that red haired Yakuza! Besides I thought he was gay!"_

" _Wait… does that mean that he and Ishida…"_

" _They're spending more and more time together after school. I saw them yesterday at the park. And then one night by the river. They were being weird again. Are they in the Drama club?"_

" _No one gives a fuck, Yamamoto…"_

" _Are you serious?! Then we'll have a battle-royal with Arisawa, Inoue and Kurosaki? Who you think it'll win?"_

" _Arisawa, hands down."_

" _Dude, have you seen Kurosaki fight? He's an animal!"_

" _Yes, but both have a soft spot for Inoue. I doubt they'd try and hit her."_

" _Yeah, and hasn't Arisawa trained her already? I heard she was black belt level."_

" _Shit, really? Damn, that'd be the brawl of the century."_

" _Sado would be the referee. Stripes are_ so _his thing."_

" _Dude. What even–"_

" _No, but seriously, he'd be the referee. No one opposes Sado."_

" _Again. Have you two seen Kurosaki fight? Am I like the only one that has seen him?"_

" _Do you guys think he'll join the fight? He does have a soft spot for cute things, and knowing Kaicho his gift would be cute. And_ handmade _."_

" _Don't ignore me, you bastards…"_

" _Well, shit. That'd be a bloodbath alright. Don't know if Kurosaki would win now."_

" _Sado is the power house, man. Nothing can stand between him and something cute."_

" _Unless it's another cute thing? Like Inoue?"_

"…"

"…"

" _Well, I'll be damned; Inoue-chan is the final winner."_

" _No way, I'd doubt she'd hit her friends! Inoue is the gentlest person I've ever met!"_

" _Dude, she wouldn't even have to pull up her fists. A puppy look and batting those lashes of hers are all she needs to do and all of them would be on the floor."_

" _Gentle and powerful. That's my type of woman."_

" _Ooh ho… trying to prove a point here, Asahi?"_

" _Heh. Looks like we'd be having the bloodbath after all. Kurosaki and Arisawa would mince you to the ground."_

" _Wow, Asahi is taking on Kurosaki over Inoue-chan? How brave."_

" _How stupid. It was nice knowing you, Asahi."_

" _Can I take your card collection when you're gone?"_

" _Can I date your nee-chan when you drop dead?"_

" _Bastards, don't talk like I'm already dead! And like hell I will!"_

" _Asahi. Let me clarify something. Kurosaki will plainly blink at you and you'll drop faster than rain."_

"… _shit."_

" _Still, can't get over how Ishida is playing everyone like that. Like, I regret ever voting for you, dude."_

" _His game is strong."_

" _He's a player."_

" _How dare you talk down Kaicho! He has Inoue, Kurosaki and Arisawa pining for him! He is my new hero!"_

" _Not to mention he has Sado for a bodyguard. Damn, you are dead, man."_

" _Again, stop talking like I ain't here, dammit!"_

… _ **& …**_

Veins erupted all over their faces.

"Are they even aware we can hear them?"

"I doubt that, Kurosaki."

"Muh..."

"I say you take one half, and Hime and I take the other."

"Eh? Where are we taking them, Tatsuki-chan?"

"To the hospital… With the _pain-express_."

"But Tatsuki- _chaaaan_! I just washed my uniform. I don't want to ruin it again!"

"Inoue, they basically said you'd beat up everyone for Ishida's stupid gift."

"It's not stupid, Kurosaki. It's handmade and very delicate."

"Again, I don't care."

"You should, it's for Yuzu-chan."

"Oh _good_. Come by the house, to meet the family properly. My old man will be _so_ _ecstatic_ meeting his _future son-in-law_."

"And that's exactly _why_ I'm giving it to you to pass it."

"I ain't taking the stupid gift."

" _Why?_ "

"It's pink, it clashes with my hair."

"Again, it's not _your_ gift. Now you'll take it, give it to Yuzu-chan and say I liked her scarf, but the edges were a bit off, she'll have to work on that more, and _you'll wipe that annoying smirk from your face or I'll bleach white your idiotic hair._ "

"Bastard, I'd like to see you try."

"Are you really up for it, _Substitute_?"

"Oh, it's fucking _on, Quincy_."

… _ **& …**_

" _See? So weird…"_

" _Again, no one gives a fuck, Yamamoto."_

… _ **& …**_


End file.
